Today I’m struggling. Today I’m trying to manage my kindergartner while teaching my middle school classes. I’m trying to be the best teacher I can be while also trying to be a parent. I’m almost in tears as I write this because while I’m teaching online, my daughter is sitting there frustrated because she’s trying to figure out what to do next for her meeting. But I also need my job.
So today, I struggle with: A. Do I be a parent and help my daughter learn and be successful? Or B. Do I tell her to wait while she cries in frustration while I teach my students to the best of my ability? This isn’t an easy job, it’s impossible. A lot is being asked of us and I will gladly do it for my students and I’ll gladly do it for my own daughter. I’ll do it for the safety of the rest of the school, my staff, but please understand that when a school goes fully remote we don’t get free time. Especially parents who are teachers. We get the additional worry of making sure our own students at home are learning plus attempting to understand what’s being asked of them regardless of their age.
This year has been a challenge for all of us educators, parents, and students alike. This year is especially different given that all of the expectations have changed, and consistently continue to change since March when we attempted remote learning the first time.
While we have been fighting hard to keep our students in school and keep them among their peers and learning at a rigorous rate; when you’re thrown into quarantine twice in a matter of weeks and then your daughter (children) are quarantine on top of going fully remote for a week before a long holiday break, you start to lose your patience. You lose your patience with parents who demand that we keep kids in school regardless of the numbers, risk, safety. You lose your patience with the students who are coming to school sick. You lose your patience when kids are being tested for this virus over and over and over again and still, being sent to school only to quarantine a whole group of their peers and teachers.
My question is how is this fair? How is this fair to our teachers or parents? I don’t know that there’s a right answer for any of it and the frustrating part is that I wish I had a solution and I don’t.
I’m coming to you today as a parent who has been in quarantine twice.
I’ve missed out on family time with members outside my immediate household since September, my girls haven’t seen their grandparents since then, and shortly after I was put in quarantine my daughter was put in quarantine. She’s a kindergartner. She’s now having to do her learning at home on a tablet. Thank God she has an amazing teacher who is patient and willing to explain all of the steps and tools and expectations that she needs to do at home while managing 14 other kindergartners on a screen. This quarantine threatens our Thanksgiving, our traditions, our needs. Next, quarantine will threaten our Christmas.
I’ve been told by several parents that it’s important that we keep our kids in school, it’s important for their mental health. Yes, I 100% agree. However, you have to also consider the fact that the teachers are human too and we need to be able to spend time with our families. When a sick child is sent to school or waiting on a Covid test, you’re risking taking away time for that teacher to spend with their family. I’ve been looked at as essential personnel this year. I have now gotten a glimpse at how essential personnel are currently being treated. We’re treated as if we’re not doing enough. As if we aren’t taking any risk every day when all we really do is go to work and come home to our families. I was even told that I have more free time now that I’m at home, teaching online, not only by a student but also a parent. It’s frustrating to see that we are still thought of so little as educators even though in the spring we were more than needed and maybe finally feeling appreciated.
It’s also frustrating when at the beginning of the year so many parents wanted us to be in school and thought that we weren’t doing enough even when we started school. I don’t know if there’s a happy middle ground. I don’t know that there’s a solution, but I do know that this week alone has taught me how undervalued and under appreciated I feel as a teacher who is also a parent of a student having to deal with quarantine over and over again.
This by far has been the hardest year of my teaching career. I feel like a first year teacher when it comes to online learning in all my attempts at keeping my students engaged. Trying to keep students willing to participate for 40 minutes at a time, while we’re expecting the students to have enough motivation to last online all day is extremely hard. It’s also wearing, on me and on them. I’m exhausted at the end of the day, even though it may seem like I’ve done nothing but sit all day. My muscles ache from the lack of movement. My heart hurts from not being able to see my students in person. I am proud to say that the majority of my students have adapted well to hybrid learning and moving to remote education. But there are others who don’t have the support at home. There are others who refuse to get online for a 40 minute class. There are a lot of kids that have already checked out. I’m not sure how to bring them back in. I’m uncertain how to get them to care, because I honestly understand, it’s hard to care about something when your teachers are on a screen. It’s hard to care about something when you’re required to stare at a computer all day.